Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
