I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
