I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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