legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
