Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
