We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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