Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
