I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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