I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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