I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
