remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
