Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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