Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
