I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
