No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
