just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
