You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
