Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
