Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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