Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry sarts hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(908): View more from New Jersey

everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries

Fav 24 921 2327
share tweet
(770): View more from Georgia

separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.

Fav 36 6546 1048
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(440): View more from Ohio

uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober

Fav 4 4156 1214
share tweet
(410): View more from Maryland

My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?

Fav 1 1176 1084
share tweet
(707): View more from California

It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.

Fav 20 1818 861
share tweet
(705): View more from Ontario

I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."

Fav 3 2118 782
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(520): View more from Arizona

i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.

Fav 8 1643 777
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(403): View more from Alberta, CA

So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.

Fav 7 645 990
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(615): View more from Tennessee

I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter

Fav 2 33 30
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT