This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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