If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
