Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
