Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize