I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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