oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
