Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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