Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
i out mim tonsoeep
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