you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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