My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
