Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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