I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
