I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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