i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
