I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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