I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
