So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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