Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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