yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
he puts the penis in happiness.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
