i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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