You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
