.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
