we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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