Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Randomize
