we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
