I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
