I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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