my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
