hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
