If that was your dad, he is hot
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
pray to the hookup gods
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
