I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
