new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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