as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
