We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so let's talk penis.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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