Whod you bang
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
