Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
