Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I have so many feelings about this burrito
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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