onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
