Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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