32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
