remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
