I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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