Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
