we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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