Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
lets start a swedish sibling band together
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
