What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
