this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
