yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
