Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
