last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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