Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
