no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
