she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
