Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
