my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
