Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
